This is so stressful I’m shaking like a leaf. Can barely type this and don’t know if I can finish the week………..NOT! JUST JOKING. But I am really surrounded by these strange little humans all day long, and these are my impressions.
A sub’s experience in a Middle School classroom is very much dependent on the quality of the relationships built with the students. I’ve read this repeatedly, and I agree. If the students like, respect, and admire you, they will listen and generally comply with what you ask. Yelling and scolding will not work – and will probably be counterproductive. A strong voice that “carries” is almost irrelevant. A drill master will fail.
So, how do you get students to “like, respect, and admire” you? My simplistic answer is to treat them with respect, and talk to them like adults. I have what I think of as my 30 second approach to building relationships. In a “study hall” or SDL (self directed learning) for example, I circulate the room and have a quiet 30 second conversation with each student. For example:
- “I’ve seen that book you’re reading. Do you like it? I’m really happy you’re reading it”
- “Is there too much of a breeze from this door? I’ll shut it if you get cold’
- “What essay are you writing? About Native Americans? I’m so happy you are writing this. Such an important part of our history.”
Every conversation builds a relationship, if it’s kind, genuine, and respectful. Greeting each kid at the door to start the class builds relationships. I’m there when they exit as well.
I’ve seen these same kids now for probably 4 days total, maybe 5. I’m not trying to be their friend. Nor do I want a longer conversation. It’s 10 – 30 seconds, and then I walk away. But I can visibly see the gratitude these kids often have when spoken to with respect by an adult. The kids who were the noisiest on Day 1 are mostly now quite manageable, and often I just need a look or a quiet “no, no, no” and they settle down.
It’s important to know what you want and to be very clear with the kids. I mostly want a class which is a “good, healthy, learning environment” for each student in the class. For me, this means a noise level which is low and not distracting to other students studying. No horseplay certainly. Remain in your seats. Clearly no teasing or bullying. It’s also important to know what is achievable. A one hour study hall with 30 students with no noise at all, not even a peep, may not be achievable. So, you can fight and insist, and wind up frustrated. Or you can simply work for a conversation level which is quite low, and not distracting to others in the class.
These are kids. If you quiet someone down and they are good for half a class, and then start to get rambunctious, that’s not a failure. They are not robots. Just quiet them down again. As they grow to like, respect, and admire you, they will become easier and easier to handle.
I’ve had students walk in the hallway by the open classroom door, and then back up so they could wave to me. I have students call out hello to me in the hallway. I had a student today who approached me after class, told me I was an excellent sub, and then said “you would be a great teacher. Are you interested in teaching?” I was surprised. This little human, who had the confidence to have a conversation like that with me. Funny thing is, in his class tomorrow, I won’t recognize exactly which student he is, but that’s fine. It’s a bit harder with masks to differentiate 100 students. For me. Also today, 3 miles from the school, after school, I had a young boy wave to me from across the parking lot while I was walking towards Starbucks. I waved back, (hoping he was actually waving to me and I did not look like an idiot), and walked towards him and his Mom. Turns out he is from the School and wanted to say hello.
And then there are many students who respond with one word answers, little or no eye contact, or a thumbs up. Which is normal and healthy I think. These are kids. Many are shy. I am not the center of their thoughts in school. Thank goodness for both them and me. It’s not uncommon to get no response from a student, and then one day she becomes more responsive than most, like a light bulb has been turned on. For me, it doesn’t matter much how they respond. What matters for me is that I give them one-on-one attention every day. About 30 seconds at a time.